(It Is Nothing, It Is Everything, It Is) Zabada

by Rob Lambert

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about

Originally released in 2007, this re-issue contains bonus tracks from rob's 1999 album "144" plus the never-before-officially-released "sql song"!

credits

released March 15, 2007

all tracks written and recorded by rob lambert.

rob lambert: guitars, vocals, bass, keyboards, percussion, drum loop sequencing

special guests
mary anne rooney: piano on "price i pay", djembe and shaker on "oshkosh", vocals on "(theme from) 144"
hampton the husky (2002-2014, r.i.p): barks on "fun bite ii"
a person who wishes to remain nameless that used to call us: voice on "Aye Dios"

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Rob Lambert Chicago, Illinois

I'm in Chicago cooking up songs just for you! My music is made up of a dash of T-Rex, a pinch of Adam Sandler & gallons of a super-secret sauce.

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Track Name: Zabada
In the middle of your behind.
Is something that you’ll never find.
In a book or on TV.
It’s something you don’t want to see.
It is … it is …
Zabada
Under the sheets, in your bed.
Is a story you haven’t read.
About a place that you don’t know.
A place that you don’t wanna go.
The place is … it is …
Zabada
Track Name: Price I Pay
Need juice for my pedals and effects.
Took the 9 volt from the smoke detects.
My house burnt down and I couldn’t care less.
’cause soon I’ll be a rock star like T-Rex.

My house burnt down,
and that’s okay.
I guess that’s the price I pay.
’cause I am going to be a rock star,
Someday.
Track Name: Fun Bite II
Fun bite!
Fun bite!

Wanna go?!
Fun bite?
Let’s go!

Fun bite!
Fun bite!
Track Name: Not Unhappy Blues
I’m not sitting here all alone.
And I’m not sitting here without a bone.
And I have, no desire to cry or moan.

I don’t walk the streets without shoes.
It’s been a while since I heard bad news.
I guess I’m, just singing, the not unhappy blues.
Track Name: Bulletproof Shoes
When I was a young lad I met
An old man singin’ the blues.
He said my only advice to my boy…
Is to get some bulletproof shoes.

I came of age I saved my dough,
Worked hard and paid my dues.
I went down to the cobbler on Main Street…
And asked for bulletproof shoes.

The cobbler scoffed and asked me if
I’d been sniffin’ glue.
(He said) “There ain’t such thing on God’s great earth…
As a pair of bulletproof shoes!”

I hung my head and walked on home,
My heart was badly bruised.
But on that day I promised myself…
I’d find a pair of bulletproof shoes.

I travelled the world over,
The lands of Buddists, Greeks and Jews.
But not a soul could help me find…
Find a pair of bulletproof shoes.

I felt a bit dejected,
I didn’t understand the news.
But I knew the only answer was…
Build my own bulletproof shoes.

So I got me some bulletproof vests,
After on the web reading reviews.
I gathered other materials and I…
Built my own bulletproof shoes.

The time came to test ‘em,
I knew that I couldn’t lose.
So I pulled out my sawed-off shotgun and I…
Fired down at my bulletproof shoes.

So now my problem is, my friend,
That my toes only come in twos.
Cause I did not build a good enough pair…
Pair of bulletproof shoes.
Track Name: Oshkosh
(there are no lyrics, just guitar and percussion!)
Track Name: Jeff Tweedy Turd
Do you wanna see my most prized possession?
I got it last fall backstage at Martyr’s.
Do you wanna see my most prized possession?
Do you wanna see my chemically preserved, trophy-mounted Jeff Tweedy turd?

Do you want to see my … Jeff Tweedy turd?
I’d eat it if I thought I could get another Jeff Tweedy turd.
Do you want to see my Jeff Tweedy turd?
Do you wanna see my … chemically preserved, trophy-mounted Jeff Tweedy turd?
Track Name: Garbage Can
Why won’t the garbage man,
haul away my garbage can?

It’s rusty, it leaks,
I put it out every week.

So why won’t the garbage man,
haul away my garbage can?
Track Name: A Letter From Pablo
Anywhere you go, I’ll go.
Anything you’ll do, I’ll do.

Don’t go to work today, when,
you can stay at home,
stay home and play.

Anyone you like, I like.
Anyone you hate, I hate.

Don’t go to work today, when,
You can stay at home,
Stay home and play.
Track Name: Hey Doctor
Hey Doctor, when I close my eyes,
everything is dark.

Hey Doctor, and when I stand up,
my whole perspective changes.

Hey Doctor, sometimes when I fall asleep,
the next thing I know, I wake up.

Hey Doctor, sometimes when I eat ice cream or popsicles, really fast.
I get a headache like you wouldn’t believe.

Hey Doctor, give it to me straight …
Am I going to die?

The doctor just said,
“Yes, Rob”
Track Name: I Don't Know
I donno why I don’t know why.
I don’t know why I don’t know why.

I donno how, I don’t know how.
I don’t know how, I don’t know how.

I won’t know why, I won’t know why.
I won’t know why, I won’t know why.
Track Name: Starck
(there are no lyrics, just guitars and things!)
Track Name: Not Unhappy Blues (Reprise)
The bills are paid and I have no debt.
And at my side is my loving, loyal pet.
And I have, no worries, and no regrets.

I feel no pain, don’t have a scratch or bruise.
I play a lot, and I seldom lose.
I guess I’m, just singing the not unhappy blues.
Track Name: Zabada (Reprise)
Za, the delicious Italian pie.
Ba, the sheep’s redundant cry.
Da, your parent who is a guy.
It’s not a poem or a secret code.
It’s not some crazy alternate mode.
It is …. it is …
Zabada
Track Name: B.F.D.
it was saturday
and i was driving northbound on lakeshore drive.
as i drove around that curve near oak street beach
i noticed this old lady’s license plate frame that said
“MY GRANDKIDS ARE CUTER THAN YOURS”

later that day
i was driving through an uppity suburb
i don’t know what i was doing there
but i was.
at a red light is saw the bumper sticker
on a mini-van ahead of me that said
“MY DAUGHTER’S AN HONOR STUDENT AT ST. JOE SCHMOE ACADEMY”

the light turned green
and i turned on the radio
i switched it to AM
to get the time
the guy on the radio was going on and on and on
about what a shame it was that the bears
had a game stolen away from them today in overtime

when i reached my destination
i was sitting in my car composing myself
in the parking lot of the place that i was going to
this yuppie parked next to me
had a panicked look on his face
as he noticed a tiny scratch
on his new mercedes sport ute
and then he tried to buff it out

i walked inside
and i noticed that i had a headache
because i hadn’t had my coffee for the day
i saw one of those terrible coffee vending machines
and started to put in a few quarters
when this middle-aged lady with too much make-up on
ran up to me and said
“I WOULDN’T PUT YOUR MONEY IN THERE,
LAST WEEK I LOST FIFTEEN CENTS IN THAT MACHINE”

i got my coffee
and it was awful as always
but i drank it
Track Name: Mr. Space Ghost
hey mr. space ghost
i can no longer watch your show
i canceled my cable
just thought i’d let you know

hey mr. space ghost
i miss your friend brak
and zorak, i miss them both
but that zorak is one evil mother son of a gun
but that’s okay because i can relate with that son of a gun

aye senor space ghost
no puedo mirar su programa
no tengo cable nada mas
quiero decirte

ay senor space ghost
echo de menos sus amigos brak
y zorak, les hecho de menos
pero zorak es un hijo malo de una perra
pero es okay porque entiendo el hijo de una perra
Track Name: Better Than You
I am dumb.
You are dumber.
I’m mislead.
You haven’t got a clue.
I’m unattractive.
You’re downright ugly.
My room is a mess.
But you haven’t got a clue.

I am better than you.
I’m not quite as bad as you.
I mean you no harm,
So don’t be alarmed,
But I am better than you.

My car goes real slow.
Yours doesn’t run.
I’m a bit whacked in the head.
You are insane.
I’m not so nice.
You’re an evil soul from hell.
My shoes are full of holes.
But you are insane.

I am better than you.
I’m not quite as bad as you.
I mean you no harm,
So don’t be alarmed,
But I am better than you.

La dee da da.
You are dumber.
La dee doo doo.
You haven’t got a clue.
La dee da da.
You are insane.
Row row row row you boat.
You’ll never have a clue.

I am better than you.
I’m not quite as bad as you.
I mean you no harm,
So don’t be alarmed,
But I am better than you.
Track Name: Jetson Food Pill
how’s it going? how’s it going? how’s it going?
when are they going to make a pill like on Jetsons
where you just
eat the pill
and then you don’t have to eat your meal?
it’s a lot easier that way.

it is.

i don’t like … you work all day, you work,
you do your work,
and then you come home
and you’re crazy and you’re hungry.

i don’t …
i can’t think about what i want to eat,
i don’t have the energy to make my food,
even if i knew what to eat i couldn’t make my own food
i mean, maybe they have stuff at GNC that’s kind of like the what they have on the Jetsons
you could probably go there and get some of your nourishment and nutrients and stuff,
but when are they going to perfect the Jetson food?

i mean, i like food and all
when i have time to make it
or when i have money and i want to go out and have a nice meal with steak and shrimp or something
but …. ???? …..
i’m hungry and i’m tired and i’m crazy

here’s a little poem, it’s by Nixon Waterman, Mary put it on the bulletin board,
it’s called “If We Didn’t Have to Eat”*, it goes like this …


life would be an easy matter
if we didn’t have to eat
if never had to utter
won’t you please pass the bread and butter
likewise push along a platter full of meat
yes, if food were obsolete
life would be a jolly treat
if we didn’t, shine or shower, old or young, greet the hour,
have to eat eat eat
it would be jolly if we didn’t have to eat*

that was by Nixon Waterman, read by rob and i’m hungry.
in desperation i just put on some beans,
vegetarian beans on the stove,
it’ll make me a little less crazy,
but i’ll probably still be hungry after i eat them,
i’ll probably have some bread too.
and water.
we don’t have any ice cubes made so it’ll be warm water.

the end.

* to the best of my knowledge, “If We Didn’t Have to Eat” by Nixon Waterman (1859-1944) is in the public domain.
Track Name: Drowning
i’m drowning, in quicksand
i’m drowning in my own filth.

i’m drowning, in quicksand
i’m drowning in my own filth.

i’m drowning in dirty dishes,
i’m drowning in my underwear.
i’m drowning in rotten laundry,
i’m drowning but i don’t care.

i’m drowning, in quicksand
i’m drowning in my own filth.

i’m drowning, in quicksand
i’m drowning in my own filth.

i’m drowning in monkey blood,
i’m drowning in vaseline.
i’m drowning in bacon grease,
i’m drowning in the color green.

i’m drowning, in quicksand
i’m drowning in my own filth.

i’m drowning, in quicksand
i’m drowning in my own filth.

there’s no hope,
so let me drown,
just let it go,
just let it go.

there’s no hope,
so let me drown,
just let it go,
just let it go.
Track Name: SQL Song
select *
from jimmy’s bar
where the proof is high
and the john’s not far
order by the cookie jar

insert into robbie’s head
select * from what i said
select * from what i said

update tomorrow’s plan
set wakeup time to way past ten
and cancel the meeting with the man

select * from jimmy’s pub
where remaining volume’s less than nub
order by the big wash tub

delete from robbie’s tummy
where the acid make it less than yummy