1. |
Asteroid 12B
03:45
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When I first got to Mars, I didn’t know a soul.
When I first got to Mars, I didn’t know a soul.
When I first got to Mars, I had no self control.
When I first got to Mars, I nearly jumped in a black hole.
But I did have my car and my dog, so at least there was that.
When I first walked on Venus, I drank pink lemonade.
When I first walked on Venus, I drank pink lemonade.
When I first walked on Venus, I ran into a blockade.
When I first walked on Venus, they thought I was the renegade.
You know, I mostly agreed with what they were protesting about,
but it was very important for me to get to work on time that day.
When I first dined on Saturn, she fed me rhubarb pie.
When I first dined on Saturn, she fed me rhubarb pie.
When I first dined on Saturn, she said the rules don’t apply.
When I first dined on Saturn, she up and punched me in the eye.
To this day, I do not know what was going on there.
When I first slept on Neptune, I just laid in the breeze.
When I first slept on Neptune, I just laid in the breeze.
When I first slept on Neptune, I needed someone to squeeze, but
When I first slept on Neptune, it was just me and the fleas.
I’m actually not positive that they were fleas,
but they were definitely a species very similar
to the Earth creatures that we call fleas.
When I first got to Mars, I didn’t know a soul.
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2. |
Cut 'Em Thin
03:34
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Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win.
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win.
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win.
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound ... to win.
There’s no strategy involved & no choices to make.
Just follow directions & don’t eat the cake.
You can't make the right choice & you can’t make a mistake.
Just follow directions, the outcome is pre-baked.
Do as you’re told, your results may vary.
Think you’re in control? On the contrary.
They say you’re special? I’d be wary.
You’re just another Tom, Dick & Harry.
No, you’re not extraordinary, the winning card is arbitrary.
There’s no strategy involved & no choices to make.
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win. Cut ‘em thin you’re bound...
You can't make the right choice & you can’t make a mistake.
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win. Cut ‘em thin you’re bound...
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win. Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound … to win.
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3. |
Forever Stamps
01:58
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(no words, it's an instrumental!)
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4. |
Funeral Shoes
04:58
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I went to college and I went to bed,
woke up in my twenties surprised not to be dead.
I got an apartment and I took a nap,
woke up in my thirties having not achieved crap.
Crawled under my desk at a new corporate job,
woke up in my fifties middle-managing for Schwab.
That drove me to drink and to drink and to smoke,
woke up in my eighties in a home for the broke.
I went to college and I took a snooze,
and now I’m lying here in my funeral shoes.
I went to college and I took a snooze,
and now I’m lying here in my funeral shoes.
I went to college and I took a snooze,
and now I’m lying here in my funeral shoes.
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5. |
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(no words, it's an instrumental!)
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6. |
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I like the elephant in the room. I like the elephant in the room.
Eau de toilette, pink grapefruit. Hotel lobby in a birthday suit.
Cherry blossom body butter. Do you hear that wow and flutter?
Mandarin orange scented candle. I knew she'd fly off the handle.
Atlas mountain rose perfume. I like the elephant in the room.
I like the elephant in the room.
Amazon wild lily mist. Major crime, slap on the wrist.
Spicy ginger linen spritz. Sir, can I see your permits?
Green tea lemon reed diffuser. Over the counter drug abuser.
Fiji lotus shower gel. Matinee: Rochelle Rochelle.
Mandarin orange scented candle. I knew she'd fly off the handle.
Atlas mountain rose perfume. I like the elephant in the room.
I like the elephant in the room. I like the elephant in the room.
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7. |
The Best Fudge
03:11
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I’m a prisoner on the sofa, but if I ever got freed,
I’m going back to college and I’m gonna succeed.
But as you know I’m stuck here and I'm glued to the couch.
When I try to break free: my skin tears, oh ouch.
If I were not lying here, tied to the chesterfield,
I would finish my novel, I would get the driveway sealed.
But I’m still on the davenport, and no, I cannot budge.
When I finally get free, I’m gonna make you the best fudge.
I could solve the Rubik’s cube, I could plant a tree.
I could run a marathon, that’s not my cup of tea.
I could learn a language, I could run for mayor.
I could write a screenplay, I could be a hockey player.
I could clean the bathtub, I could mail a letter.
I could take a dance class, I could learn to knit a sweater.
I could save the elephants and I could save the bees.
I could help the hungry people get their bread & cheese.
But, I am still lying here, glued to the couch.
Putting Hostess cupcakes and Doritos in my mouth.
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8. |
I Went To Hollywood
02:49
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Where is all the money? You ate all the dough.
You think it’s funny. You think I don’t know?
I won’t call the cops if you don’t row the boat.
The shoes in the basement don’t sink and don’t float.
You scratch your toe, I lick an apple pot pie.
There’s nothing wrong with a stick in the eye.
I wanna go where the coffee’s all right.
There’s nothing wrong with the skinny mother frakking tie.
I closed the door and I got on the phone.
I think that there’s something that you don’t wanna know.
I shot the guy with obnoxious cologne.
And here’s another something that you don’t wanna know.
I went to Hollywood, I went to Hollywood.
I went to Hollywood. I went to Hollywood.
She took the pills and what a difference they made.
She thinks you should be in another parade.
I went to Hollywood, I went to Hollywood.
I went to Hollywood. I went to Hollywood.
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9. |
Still Here
01:41
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10. |
Twelve for a Penny
03:52
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"Twelve For A Penny"
I saw an ad for 12 cassettes for a penny.
I filled out the form for 12 cassettes for a penny.
I mailed the form for 12 cassettes for a penny.
And I waited for my 12 cassettes for a penny.
I ordered:
Pyromania, Theatre of Pain, Brothers in Arms & Purple Rain.
No Jacket Required, Speaking in Tongues, 1984 & Van Halen I.
Licensed to Ill, Who Made Who,
Pink Floyd The Wall (that one counted as two)
In 6 to 8 weeks, my cassettes arrived.
I was so excited I almost burst.
I didn’t know what to listen to first.
I opened the bill, it was for more than a penny.
They wanted my dollars and they wanted twenty!
Oh well, I got:
Pyromania, Theatre of Pain, Brothers in Arms & Purple Rain.
No Jacket Required, Speaking in Tongues, 1984 & Van Halen I.
Licensed to Ill, Who Made Who,
Pink Floyd The Wall (that one counted as two)
I got “The Joshua Tree” CD for my birthday.
And a compact disc player, yay!
I’d never heard anything sound so great.
I listened to it every day.
But, I only had one disc, that's not very many.
Then I saw an ad for 12 CD's for a penny!
I filled out the form for 12 CD's for a penny!
And I mailed the form for 12 CD's for a penny!
You know what I ordered:
Pyromania, Theatre of Pain, Brothers in Arms & Purple Rain.
No Jacket Required, Speaking in Tongues, 1984 & Van Halen I.
Licensed to Ill, Who Made Who,
Pink Floyd The Wall (that one counted as two)
Pyromania, Theatre of Pain, Brothers in Arms & Purple Rain.
No Jacket Required, Speaking in Tongues, 1984 & Van Halen I.
Licensed to Ill, Who Made Who,
Pink Floyd The Wall (that one counted as two)
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11. |
Butter Knives
02:44
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I got butter knives, clean butter knives for me.
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for you.
Spoons are used for cereal, forks for mac and cheese.
The dishes here are rarely done, so, there are none of these, but...
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for me.
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for you.
I've got plastic tableware, if you are willing.
If that is a problem, dear, and you want the real thing, well...
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for you.
Now, if you’ve got peach jam, you need it on your toast.
I have got the utensil that you need the most 'cause
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for me.
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for you.
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Rob Lambert Chicago, Illinois
Spacey instrumental jams and other such delights.
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