I Like The Elephant In The Room

by Rob Lambert

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    "Starting on an asteroid flying through the solar system and and ending in a kitchen drawer filled with nothing but butter knives, the trip in between is..." Find out today with your very own
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  • Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

     $7.99 USD  or more

     

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about

"I love Rob Lambert’s songs. They reveal new things with each listen; they are often hilarious, yes, but there is a lived-in darkness and an actual tender heart lurking just below. He is a great, creative guitarist and arranger and these new songs really showcase his ability to layer sounds and create moods and mysteries in his recordings.”
-Steve Dawson stevedawsonmusic.com/info/bio/

"Good for the couch, good for the car, good for the sidewalk. And at times this album asks the musical question, 'How well do you really know your couch?' Plus, I think Rob's music is getting purpler and blacker. It's adventurous and sure-footed at the same time, and that's a great thing to pull off!"
-Chris Corsale chriscorsale.com

"On his new album, Rob combines fantastical imagery with funny commentary on the mundane absurdities of life. Starting on an asteroid flying through the solar system and and ending in a kitchen drawer filled with nothing but butter knives, the trip in between is a ton of fun, with plenty of hooky guitar licks to keep you coming back for more."
-John McConda mcconda.com

"'I Like the Elephant in the Room' is the Rob Lambert acorn that falls a little further from the tree, musically speaking, than his other animal-that-could-kill-you record, "Grass Is Alligators". It's groovy and shreddy and lyrically enigmatic."
-Ross Freedman rossfreedmanmusic.com

"I think it's the best thing I've made since the last time I made something." -Rob Lambert roblambert.com

credits

released January 27, 2016

Words by Rob Lambert
Music by Rob Lambert

Guitars, Vocals, Bass, Keyboards, Percussion (Peach Pear LaCroix cans, pencils, couch springs, human hands and mouth), Drum Programming: Rob Lambert
Guest Vocals on the title track: The Apple System Voice "Alex"

Recorded by Rob Lambert
Mixed by Rob Lambert
Mastered by Peter Andreadis

Elephant photo by Alexandre Chambon.
Back cover photo of tower and starry sky by Andrew E. Weber.
CD packaging design by Rob Lambert.

Thanks Mary Anne Rooney, John McConda, Dave Ciaccio, Peter Andreadis, Steve Dawson, Chris Corsale, Matilda Zombie Queen, Ross Freedman, OTS classmates, and all the other cool cats of Earth

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about

Rob Lambert Chicago, Illinois

I'm in Chicago cooking up songs just for you! My music is made up of a dash of T-Rex, a pinch of Adam Sandler & gallons of a super-secret sauce.

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Track Name: Asteroid 12B
When I first got to Mars, I didn’t know a soul.
When I first got to Mars, I didn’t know a soul.
When I first got to Mars, I had no self control.
When I first got to Mars, I nearly jumped in a black hole.
But I did have my car and my dog, so at least there was that.
When I first walked on Venus, I drank pink lemonade.
When I first walked on Venus, I drank pink lemonade.
When I first walked on Venus, I ran into a blockade.
When I first walked on Venus, they thought I was the renegade.
You know, I mostly agreed with what they were protesting about,
but it was very important for me to get to work on time that day.
When I first dined on Saturn, she fed me rhubarb pie.
When I first dined on Saturn, she fed me rhubarb pie.
When I first dined on Saturn, she said the rules don’t apply.
When I first dined on Saturn, she up and punched me in the eye.
To this day, I do not know what was going on there.
When I first slept on Neptune, I just laid in the breeze.
When I first slept on Neptune, I just laid in the breeze.
When I first slept on Neptune, I needed someone to squeeze, but
When I first slept on Neptune, it was just me and the fleas.
I’m actually not positive that they were fleas,
but they were definitely a species very similar
to the Earth creatures that we call fleas.
When I first got to Mars, I didn’t know a soul.
Track Name: Cut 'Em Thin
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win.
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win.
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win.
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound ... to win.
There’s no strategy involved & no choices to make.
Just follow directions & don’t eat the cake.
You can't make the right choice & you can’t make a mistake.
Just follow directions, the outcome is pre-baked.
Do as you’re told, your results may vary.
Think you’re in control? On the contrary.
They say you’re special? I’d be wary.
You’re just another Tom, Dick & Harry.
No, you’re not extraordinary, the winning card is arbitrary.
There’s no strategy involved & no choices to make.
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win. Cut ‘em thin you’re bound...
You can't make the right choice & you can’t make a mistake.
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win. Cut ‘em thin you’re bound...
Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound to win. Cut ‘em thin, you’re bound … to win.
Track Name: Forever Stamps
(no words, it's an instrumental!)
Track Name: Funeral Shoes
I went to college and I went to bed,
woke up in my twenties surprised not to be dead.
I got an apartment and I took a nap,
woke up in my thirties having not achieved crap.
Crawled under my desk at a new corporate job,
woke up in my fifties middle-managing for Schwab.
That drove me to drink and to drink and to smoke,
woke up in my eighties in a home for the broke.
I went to college and I took a snooze,
and now I’m lying here in my funeral shoes.
I went to college and I took a snooze,
and now I’m lying here in my funeral shoes.
I went to college and I took a snooze,
and now I’m lying here in my funeral shoes.
Track Name: Cans (Infinitely Recyclable)
(no words, it's an instrumental!)
Track Name: I Like The Elephant In The Room
I like the elephant in the room. I like the elephant in the room.
Eau de toilette, pink grapefruit. Hotel lobby in a birthday suit.
Cherry blossom body butter. Do you hear that wow and flutter?
Mandarin orange scented candle. I knew she'd fly off the handle.
Atlas mountain rose perfume. I like the elephant in the room.
I like the elephant in the room.
Amazon wild lily mist. Major crime, slap on the wrist.
Spicy ginger linen spritz. Sir, can I see your permits?
Green tea lemon reed diffuser. Over the counter drug abuser.
Fiji lotus shower gel. Matinee: Rochelle Rochelle.
Mandarin orange scented candle. I knew she'd fly off the handle.
Atlas mountain rose perfume. I like the elephant in the room.
I like the elephant in the room. I like the elephant in the room.
Track Name: The Best Fudge
I’m a prisoner on the sofa, but if I ever got freed,
I’m going back to college and I’m gonna succeed.
But as you know I’m stuck here and I'm glued to the couch.
When I try to break free: my skin tears, oh ouch.
If I were not lying here, tied to the chesterfield,
I would finish my novel, I would get the driveway sealed.
But I’m still on the davenport, and no, I cannot budge.
When I finally get free, I’m gonna make you the best fudge.
I could solve the Rubik’s cube, I could plant a tree.
I could run a marathon, that’s not my cup of tea.
I could learn a language, I could run for mayor.
I could write a screenplay, I could be a hockey player.
I could clean the bathtub, I could mail a letter.
I could take a dance class, I could learn to knit a sweater.
I could save the elephants and I could save the bees.
I could help the hungry people get their bread & cheese.
But, I am still lying here, glued to the couch.
Putting Hostess cupcakes and Doritos in my mouth.
Track Name: I Went To Hollywood
Where is all the money? You ate all the dough.
You think it’s funny. You think I don’t know?
I won’t call the cops if you don’t row the boat.
The shoes in the basement don’t sink and don’t float.
You scratch your toe, I lick an apple pot pie.
There’s nothing wrong with a stick in the eye.
I wanna go where the coffee’s all right.
There’s nothing wrong with the skinny mother frakking tie.
I closed the door and I got on the phone.
I think that there’s something that you don’t wanna know.
I shot the guy with obnoxious cologne.
And here’s another something that you don’t wanna know.
I went to Hollywood, I went to Hollywood.
I went to Hollywood. I went to Hollywood.
She took the pills and what a difference they made.
She thinks you should be in another parade.
I went to Hollywood, I went to Hollywood.
I went to Hollywood. I went to Hollywood.
Track Name: Twelve for a Penny
"Twelve For A Penny"
I saw an ad for 12 cassettes for a penny.
I filled out the form for 12 cassettes for a penny.
I mailed the form for 12 cassettes for a penny.
And I waited for my 12 cassettes for a penny.
I ordered:
Pyromania, Theatre of Pain, Brothers in Arms & Purple Rain.
No Jacket Required, Speaking in Tongues, 1984 & Van Halen I.
Licensed to Ill, Who Made Who,
Pink Floyd The Wall (that one counted as two)
In 6 to 8 weeks, my cassettes arrived.
I was so excited I almost burst.
I didn’t know what to listen to first.
I opened the bill, it was for more than a penny.
They wanted my dollars and they wanted twenty!
Oh well, I got:
Pyromania, Theatre of Pain, Brothers in Arms & Purple Rain.
No Jacket Required, Speaking in Tongues, 1984 & Van Halen I.
Licensed to Ill, Who Made Who,
Pink Floyd The Wall (that one counted as two)
I got “The Joshua Tree” CD for my birthday.
And a compact disc player, yay!
I’d never heard anything sound so great.
I listened to it every day.
But, I only had one disc, that's not very many.
Then I saw an ad for 12 CD's for a penny!
I filled out the form for 12 CD's for a penny!
And I mailed the form for 12 CD's for a penny!
You know what I ordered:
Pyromania, Theatre of Pain, Brothers in Arms & Purple Rain.
No Jacket Required, Speaking in Tongues, 1984 & Van Halen I.
Licensed to Ill, Who Made Who,
Pink Floyd The Wall (that one counted as two)
Pyromania, Theatre of Pain, Brothers in Arms & Purple Rain.
No Jacket Required, Speaking in Tongues, 1984 & Van Halen I.
Licensed to Ill, Who Made Who,
Pink Floyd The Wall (that one counted as two)
Track Name: Butter Knives
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for me.
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for you.
Spoons are used for cereal, forks for mac and cheese.
The dishes here are rarely done, so, there are none of these, but...
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for me.
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for you.
I've got plastic tableware, if you are willing.
If that is a problem, dear, and you want the real thing, well...
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for you.
Now, if you’ve got peach jam, you need it on your toast.
I have got the utensil that you need the most 'cause
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for me.
I got butter knives, clean butter knives for you.